Friday, August 28, 2009

Jack Bauer vs. Chuck Norris – we finally have an answer

It’s the age old question. Since the dawn of time, Man has yearned to know, who would win in a fight—Jack Bauer or Chuck Norris?

But the wait is over. Now we know. Check it out:

That’s right—that’s Chuck Norris shaking in his boots, terrified that a skinny guy with big ears and a funny name is coming to take his guns away. He's so scared, he's helping the NRA recruit new members.

Why does Chuck Norris care? Normal people need guns to defend themselves, but Chuck Norris should be able to kill any man unarmed.

For someone who’s kicked THAT much ass to be THAT scared about losing his guns, there’s only one conclusion: he’s gone soft. No longer confident in his ability to roundhouse kick his way through any opponent’s face, he’s scared that he’s about to lose his last defense. Even more telling is his admission that someone COULD take his gun away. NO ONE could take the old Chuck Norris’s gun without getting killed. AND, he's turning to the NRA to defend him. Old Chuck needed protection from no one.

He’s a sitting duck for Jack Bauer.

Sure, Jack likes his guns too, and has killed plenty of people with them. Sometimes he’s even reloaded. But he can still break your neck with his knees, jab you with a pen, or just use his teeth. For Jack Bauer, guns are a convenience.

Chuck’s had a good run, but, considering that gun control is the LAST thing on President Obama’s mind with everything on his plate, and considering that the President has never proposed a federal ban on guns, I’m starting to think Chuck Norris is afraid of phantoms.

In conclusion, I’ll leave you with this montage:

1 comment:

  1. This is awesome I totally agree jack Bauer is the man.